Zoned Out

In the fourth watch of the night, Jesus came to the disciples, walking on the sea. They were terrified and cried out. Jesus identified himself to them.

And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “”Come.”

So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink cried out, “Lord, save me.”

Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Matthew 14:25-31

Much has been written about comfort zones. We all have them. For each person, it’s an individual thing. Many of us who love the Lord still grapple with this concept. Things like witnessing, taking a new job, meeting new people—all are examples of moving from the familiar into the unknown. And the unknown can be a scary place.

Public speaking has always been the wasteland into which I would not venture. There is no comfort to be found standing up in front of people. Reading off a piece of paper, which for me should include: Hello, my name is Laurel, is an exercise in stress. Feeling the sweat dripping off my palms, the queasiness in my stomach, the roaring in my ears—no comfort there.

But does God call His people to a life of security and ease, or to a life of obedient service to Him? Obedience and comfort seem to be mutually exclusive. But are they, really? And how does one make the transition to zone out for the Kingdom?

For a few years, God has been asking me to set aside my doubts and fears as I spoke occasionally at church. Three to five minutes up front? Sure, I can manage that. No more. Please. Cue the butterflies. Then an opportunity arose to speak on behalf of South East Asia Prayer Center. It came at me unexpectedly, appearing as it were in the “fourth watch of the night.”

My pat response, “I’ll pray about it,” really meant, “No way. No how. Nope.” But pray I did. And God provided an answer—just not the one I’d expected.

Walk on water, He said. Obey me, He murmured into my ear. Have faith.

My first gig would be in Knoxville, Tennessee, at Bread of Life Chinese Christian Church. The goal: share the mission vision of SEAPC. For a person who prefers a concrete to do list, this became a YIKES moment. Time to dip my toes in the water.

The gathering of brochures, magazines, photographs, became soothing. Simple. Concrete. List-able. Okay…maybe…

Then came Sunday. The morning after Daylight Saving Time ended. The church parking lot stood empty. Not one car. Did I have the correct address? Did everyone sleep in? What to do? As anxiety nibbled at me I went to the only place possible: Prayer. The enemy had to be banished, or I would fall into the water.

Look at me, He said. I have you, He murmured into my ear. Have faith.

I found the correct entrance after one text, complete with cars and people. The church service, even without knowledge of Chinese, filled with the Holy Spirit. Pastor Connie Chen and Dr. Chen led worship; their absolute faith shone through. Earnest believers from different nations, all together and proclaiming one God, one Savior, one Spirit—nothing could be better.

When I finally stood with a microphone in my hand and opened my mouth to speak, Jesus beckoned me onto the surface of the water. I didn’t notice the waves or the wind. He became my comfort zone. The notes I’d printed out sat on the lectern, untouched. The Holy Spirit needed to use my voice, but not necessarily the words I’d penned. It had to be about His miracles, His grace, His mercy—and His mission.

As always when I am able to step aside and give the Holy Spirit free reign, I’m not even certain of everything I said. There were moments—blips in translation for instance—when the urge to look down came over me. I could sense the wild roiling of the sea, smell the briny aroma, feel the bite of the bitter winds. But as I waited for my words to be understood, a simple wooden cross on the wall grabbed my gaze.

Scripture seeped into my head. Peter had cried out, “Lord, save me.” And when Jesus did haul him into the boat, Peter uttered these words of truth: “Truly, you are the Son of God.”

Jesus kept me on the surface of the sea that God had created. The Holy Spirit provided the breath of life to my voice. And without warning or plan, I found myself in a new comfort zone. I did not have to “think outside the box” that had held me for so long, because those walls of fear and anxiety had been washed away.

I have no doubt that public witness will always require me to step out of the boat. There is also no doubt that Jesus will be there. When my eyes are fixed on Him—“the author and finisher of our faith”—I will not be afraid.

“Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

John 14:27b